We’ve all met the green eyed monster at some point in our lives and when the beast rears it’s ugly head, it can make you feel anxious and inadequate. In an extremely competitive industry like authoring romance novels, it is helpful to learn how to deal with jealousy so it doesn’t affect your path to success (but these lessons can apply to essentially anyone).
I shared a post of books that have made me a better writer and Jennifer Probst’s Write Naked is one of my favourite resources. She has a chapter dedicated to jealousy and it’s very brave of her to share that even as a successful full time author, she still experiences feelings of uncertainty. So what should you do when you’re feeling jealous?
How to deal with jealousy
Avoid triggers. Perhaps there are certain Instagram feeds or Pinterest perfect lives that stir up uncomfortable emotions for you. Unfollow those people. There is absolutely no reason for you to consume content that doesn’t serve you. It’s important to address the root cause of your feelings, but there is also nothing wrong with saving yourself from mental anguish.
Compliment the person who is making you feel jealous. This is one of Jennifer’s suggestions that is essentially the opposite of the first item on the list. Depending on your personality, it might be a better fit for you! If there is an author you’re jealous of, leave a comment on her post congratulating her on a successful new release. Eventually, your thoughts will match your actions.
The romance community is full of amazingly supportive authors and readers who I’m privileged to interact with daily. Most of them are willing to give some of their time to provide advice, so rather than being jealous of someone’s success, try to see if you can learn from it and apply the principles to your own life.
Conquer your inner critic. Negative self-talk is so damaging. Silencing the voice in your head that is whispering you aren’t good enough and will never measure up is critical to calming monkey brain and overcoming jealousy. I’m on a continuous self-improvement journey and I’m always reading. Try these resources to help you:
- What to say when you talk to yourself
- Reinventing your life
- Recreate your life
- The subtle art of not giving a fuck (see a picture of Buster with this book on Instagram!)
- Wherever you go, there you are
- Embracing your inner critic
- Why zebras don’t get ulcers
- The biology of humans at our best and worst
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
Stay present. Jealousy can cause negative mental spirals that make you question the past and future. However, living mindfully in the present is the only way to find inner peace. Consider starting a daily meditation practice and listening to guided sessions that focus on dealing with jealousy. Ask me for recommendations! I’ve got you covered. If you’re not into meditation (and I wasn’t either, but I’m a convert) try working out with YouTube videos or the queen, Jillian Michaels for a physical outlet.
Keep your head in the game. Try to channel your negative energy into something positive and work harder. Use the success of others to inspire you to be better rather than an excuse to wallow in self-doubt and misery (or to give up). The worst thing you can do is let jealousy paralyze you into inaction because it’s true what they say: doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
Talk it out. I don’t mean head to therapy (though that’s a perfectly viable option). If you have a trusted friend you can discuss your feelings with, sometimes voicing them is enough to silence them. When I’m feeling jealous, I often only realize how ridiculous I’m being after I’ve said it out loud.
Note: this post address how to deal with jealousy in a competitive setting, not a romantic one. I’m lucky to feel secure in my marriage to James, so I can’t write from experience about learning to trust your spouse.
What do you do when you’re feeling jealous?
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